If there’s one thing you need to know, it’s this:
It’s NOT your fault that your kid is acting out and testing you, the boundaries and pushing the limits. Please be gentle with yourself.
And if you’re anything like most parents these days, you’re not only trying to learn how to do this parenting thing well but also trying to unlearn some of the not-so-great parenting habits you have acquired along the way…
Things like yelling, punishing, bribing, rewarding, grounding, nagging, arguing…
Don’t worry! We have all done them at some stage in our lives.
Here’s the deal though: none of them work - but they’re our default go-to when we’re overwhelmed, frustrated, at our wits end, tired and, and, and.
This reactive way of dealing with things is basically all we know. We go into fight, freeze, or flee – it’s instinctive when we are triggered and under stress and duress.
And because we haven’t been taught how to parent any other way, we’re stuck in an endless cycle of shouting matches: defensiveness, permissiveness, withdrawn-ness and lack of connected-ness with our kids.